A Bitter Truth
by Gael Grimm
Summary: Fenris' thoughts on Hawke and their budding romance after the death of Hadrianna.


_**Hello! I don't own DA2 or any of the characters or places mentioned here in. Like every other story I hope you enjoy this and review (good or bad). **_

The air of the slaver's caverns was thick with the smell of blood, so thick he could almost taste it. His ragged breathing matched that of his companions, but he had something they didn't... the knot. Life as a runaway slave had been chaotic but the two things that had been constant were his need to trust no one and the tight angry knot that had taken to residing in his chest. It was all the hate and resentment he had felt toward his captures and pursuers. In the last few years Hawke and the others had shown him there were some people that he could trust but still the knot sat, his familiar burden, the thing he had built all he knew around. One would think that it being there now would not disappoint him as much as it did.

He smelt Hawke before he felt her place a hand on his shoulder. The scent of embrium filled his senses and he breathed deep for a moment closing his eyes trying not to turn around. Instead he thought of another time that scent had filled his head and made him lose track of a task.

_Fenris looked up confused by how the situation had come to what it was. Hawke stood with on foot planted firmly on his two-handed sword holding it to the dirt making him hunch and look up at her with moss green eyes. Her cheeks were flush and she panted heavily not moving her own dueling blades; one sat behind her shoulders as the other sat in her right hand, her arm out stretched and the blades edge against his throat. Abandoning her position of advantage she turned and began to walk away from him. Quickly he closed the distance between them and put his blade before her, close to her throat. Stepping flush behind her, he put his lips close to her ear and breathed in more of her calming scent. "To turn your back on an opponent you haven't killed is most unwise, Altheda," Fenris whispered._

_Shocked Hawke turned her head and looked wide eyed for a moment; Fenris did not use first names lightly. "I thought this was supposed to just be fore fun..." In defense to Fenris' attack Hawke had raised her blades leaving her a small amount of room to move from. Quickly she brought the blade in her left hand out against the flat of the two-handed sword using the arm extension as leverage to push him back. When she had sufficient room she used her left arm to strike at him from over her right shoulder and followed threw with her left arm to sweep low at his waist. Satisfied with her evasion she smiled and held one blade straight forward, keeping the other poised by her left shoulder. Fenris' mouth picked up in a smirk and he charged forward at her. She took stance and awaited the attack as Fenris brought the sword up to knock her own blade from her left hand; she anticipated the attack and moved with it to minimize damage. Dropping her short sword she kicked him in the knee as he passed her; not hard, just enough to throw him off balance. Fenris' body followed as predicted and she kicked his sword away before kneeling to one side of his body, her left knee on his sternum and her other blade holding his head down._

_Hawke's hair was wild and a flush had risen up her neck and chest to color her cheeks while she panted from the exercise. What would she look like after making love? Fenris wondered. She leaned her chest down against his "If this were not a friendly spar and you an ordinary man you'd be dead now." She said her lips close to his._

_Fenris bared his teeth at her and shoved her away from him. "If I were 'an ordinarily man' indeed!" he scoffed and picked up his blade walking away._

The others looked at him as he just stood there staring at Hadriana's fallen body. He turned back to look at Hawke he was angry with her but part of him just wanted to see her face, to see what she thought of what he had done. There was blood spattered on her face from the battle and some was smeared across her forehead where she had wiped away sweat with the back of her glove. Her eyes were wild and her cheeks were once again flush.

"Fenris," she started in her regular calm voice. He looked to Varric and Aveline who traveled with them. Aveline disapproving of him and Varric watched him warily, Fenris turned back to look at Hawke, her face showed no scrutiny or fear, she looked at him concerned which may have been worse then the looks of either of their other companions. "Fenris, maybe we should leave..." she said putting a hand to his shoulder.

"No. I don't want you comforting me." He said shrugging her hand away. "You saw what was done here. There's always going to be some reason, some excuse why mages need to do this. Even if I found my sister, who knows what the magisters have done to her. What has magic touched that it doesn't spoil? I ... need to go." Fenris turned and left the cavern as quickly as he could without looking like he was running away.

When Hawke returned home that night he was waiting for her in the estates' entry room looking more melancholy than usual as he stared at the floor obviously deep in thought. He rose as she entered and began to speak "I've been thinking about what happened with Hadriana. I took my anger out on you, undeservedly so. I was ... not myself. I'm sorry."

"There's no need to apologize. I just had no idea where you went, I was concerned."

"You are generous; I needed to be alone. When I was still a slave, Hadriana was a torment. She would ridicule me, deny my meals, and hound my sleep. Because of her status I was powerless to respond and she knew it. The thought of her slipping out of my grasp now...I couldn't let her go. I wanted to, but I couldn't."

"That's more important than your promise?"

"It's not easy to discover your principles are less noble than you believed. This hate I thought to get away from it. But it dogs me no matter where I go." He paused a moment in thought. "To feel it again, to know it was they that planted it inside me... it was too much to bear."

"I'm glad you killed her, then" Hawke said lowering her head.

"I should be happy Hadriana is dead. Instead I feel...disquiet." Fenris scoffed at the feelings that were now aired out for Hawke to see, "But I didn't come here to burden you further." Slowly he turned to leave, but Hawke touched his arm again.

"You don't need to leave, Fenris" The weight of her hand was crushing and comforting at the same time but part of him was so upset with her.

_How dare she console me after all I've had done. How dare she pretend to want me and let me think there is any hope for an ex-slave! _He began to feel the lyrium burn through his skin and the knot tightened, cold and hard. He rounded on her then but he did not expect what he saw. There was no fear in her eyes, instead there was something he had not expected...desire. He did the only thing he could, he just stared at her; the magic in his skin slowly faded and he was taken aback when Hawke closed the distance between them and kissed him. Some how he wasn't affronted by the contact in fact he felt at piece for the first time in many years. Perhaps Hawke really did see hope for this ex-slave. When she took his hand and led him toward the upstairs he did not hesitate. He wanted Hawke and here she was for the taking. He would have what he wanted if even for a short time he would be happy and, like every other brief moment of levity, Hawke would help him enjoy it.


End file.
